Lady: Do you drink?
Man: Yes.
Lady: How much a day?
Man: 3 six packs.
Lady: How much per six pack?
Man: about $10.00.
Lady: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: 15 years.
Lady: So 1 six pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 six packs a day which
puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be
$10,800 correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct.
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't drank, that money could have been
put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Car accident
Two guys get into a nasty car accident.
Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, one guy says,. Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The Guy replied, "I totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" He went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"
He hands the bottle to the other who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the other. The guy takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it
back to him. The other asks, "Aren't
you having any?"
The Guy replies, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the fuckin police..."
Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, one guy says,. Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The Guy replied, "I totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" He went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"
He hands the bottle to the other who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the other. The guy takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it
back to him. The other asks, "Aren't
you having any?"
The Guy replies, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the fuckin police..."
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
My wife left me
When my wife left me, I was sad, upset and lonely. Since then I've got a dog, bought a new motorbike, shagged two women and blown a grand on drink and drugs.
She'll go fucking mental when she gets home from work!!..
She'll go fucking mental when she gets home from work!!..
Friday, May 2, 2014
Conversation between police and lady of the night
1.警察：干什么的，这么晚在街上游荡！
小姐： 妓者！
警察肃然起敬，一阵崇拜！
警察：哪个报社的？
小姐：晚抱！
警察：哪个晚报的？
小姐：和男晚抱！
警察：河南晚报不错！
小姐：这事只有晚上敢搞！
警察：晚上赶稿确实辛苦！要多注意身体！
小姐：谢谢警察大哥理解，欢迎来搞！
警察：好的。一定来稿！一定来稿！
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