Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later, as Tony's walking in the park with his stupid, hideous new girlfriend, he spots his friend John with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman. "John, what happened?" Tony asks.
"I have no idea," John replies. "I was told I have five years of amazing sex to look forward to. The only thing I don't understand is why she always yells 'Damn income taxes!' whenever we have sex."
Monday, February 29, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
Pinocchio does it again !
Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
- Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.
- Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
three short ones
Nursing School
A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does during an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."
Little Sister
A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom. There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?"
Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister" And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."
Like The Movies
A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon.
The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?"
The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?'
So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face." The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye? "Turns out we watch different movies."
A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does during an orgasm.
"Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..."
Little Sister
A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom. There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?"
Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister" And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy."
Like The Movies
A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon.
The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?"
The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?'
So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face." The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye? "Turns out we watch different movies."
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