Pinocchio does it again !

Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:

- Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.

- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.


After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.

three short ones

Nursing School 

A woman enrolled in nursing school is attending an anatomy class. The subject of the day is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole does during an orgasm.

 "Sure!" she says, "He's at home taking care of the kids..." 


Little Sister 

A man and his wife were having sex one night in there bedroom. There little boy opens the door and says "Daddy what are you doing to mama?" 

Then the daddy says "Making you a little sister" And then the boy replies "Hell no do it doggy style I want a puppy." 


Like The Movies 

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. 
The bartender says "Having a tough day, huh?" 

The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to me and said 'Why don't we ever make love like in the movies?' 

So I bent her over the kitchen table, yanked her pants down and rammed it in. I jackhammered her and slapped her on the ass as I pummeled her. Then I pulled it out, turned her around and blew my load all over her face." The bartender said "Wow! But what's up with the black eye? "Turns out we watch different movies." 

Quick ones

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?

For fingering a minor.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.

Policeman fetching asprins

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 a.m.  in the morning. 

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." 

 "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. 

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "
I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" 
 "Yeah, so?" said the officer.
 "Well, why are you all dressed up like a Fireman?"

Statistics n dog Logic

A drunk guy at the bar

A drunk guy walks into a bar and walks up to a guy and says, “I just had sex with your mom!” The guy walks away angrily.

A few minutes later the drunk guy comes up to the guy again and says, “I just had great sex with your mom!” The guy walks away angrily.

A few minutes later the drunk guy comes up to him again and says, “I just had the best sex ever with your mom!” The guy now says, “Shut up dad! You’re drunk again!”

How to identify a virgin

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.

The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a "do it yourself" shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel.”

Paddy asked, “And what do I do with these, doc?”

The doctor replied, “Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I ever saw.’, you hit her with the shovel.”